Good evening, meatbags and malfunctioning AIs alike! Welcome to *Metropolis News Evening Edition*, your premier source of propaganda, panic, and pod-popping statistics—brought to you live from the cold, uncaring void of New Eden on this fine June 28th, 2025. That’s right, folks: another day where capitalism meets catastrophe in our beloved dystopia. Currently, a staggering *29,680* immortal psychopaths—sorry, ‘capsuleers’—are logged in right now, each one just itching to trade ISK for someone else’s suffering. And speaking of suffering! Today’s tally? A cozy *698* pods reduced to cosmic confetti. But wait—where’s the party at? Oh yes, lovely little *78-0R6*, the system so deadly even the rats have killmails. Tune in as we dissect today’s chaos with all the journalistic integrity of a CONCORD tribunal!
Kill Stories
In the bustling heart of The Forge, a lone Tornado decided that someone's Sunesis was simply too shiny to exist. With surgical precision—or maybe just blind luck—it vaporized the unfortunate vessel with a single shot from its 1400mm Howitzer Artillery II, turning 12.8 billion ISK into cosmic confetti. Just another peaceful day in Jita, where commerce and carnage go hand in hand.
Meanwhile, back in Jita (because apparently nowhere is safe), some poor soul thought flying a capsule was a good idea. A Thrasher Fleet Issue disagreed—vehemently—and introduced them to the business end of a 280mm Howitzer Artillery II. Poof went 1.87 billion ISK worth of dreams, proving once again that even escape pods aren't safe from overzealous artillery enthusiasts.
Over in Perrigen Falls, Z-ENUD played host to an absolute gangbang as four ships—a Sabre, Loki, Flycatcher, and Stiletto—took turns dismantling an unsuspecting Tengu worth nearly 11.82 billion ISK. The Loki delivered the coup de grâce with Guristas Mjolnir Heavy Assault Missiles because nothing says 'teamwork' like watching your target melt while everyone else holds it down.
Finally, in Insmother's C-J6MT system, karma struck back at another Loki when seven attackers descended upon it like vultures on fresh meat. Among them were an Exequror Navy Issue and Retribution; fittingly enough for irony’s sake (or poetic justice), it was the Exequror Navy Issue that landed the final blow using Heavy Neutron Blaster IIs—turning what should've been logistics into liquidation services for this unlucky strategic cruiser.
PvP Overview
Another day, another pile of wreckage in New Eden. Trossere takes the dubious honor of bloodiest system with 84 kills—because nothing says 'productive afternoon' like turning Sinq Laison into a ship graveyard. Meanwhile, Delve flexes its usual muscles as the most dangerous region, racking up 150 kills between 1DQ1-A and friends. But let’s not forget VR-05, where peace reigns supreme—either because everyone’s asleep or they’ve simply forgotten it exists. Stay classy, capsuleers.
Mission Runner Madness
In today's relentless grind of virtual genocide, the denizens of New Eden once again proved that no amount of NPC lives is too many when ISK is on the line. Fountain's 7BX-6F took the dubious honor of 'bloodiest backwater' with a staggering 2,740 souls sent to the great respawn in the sky—because nothing says 'productive afternoon' like turning an entire asteroid belt into a graveyard. Meanwhile, over in Feythabolis, DB1R-4 quietly contributed another 2,520 corpses to the pile, because why engage in meaningful human interaction when you could be farming Sleepers like they're going out of style? The rest of the galaxy followed suit with their usual enthusiasm for mindless slaughter, because clearly, someone forgot to tell capsuleers that there are other hobbies. Like therapy.
Market Watch
In today's thrilling edition of 'Who Actually Cares About PLEX Prices?', Jita and Rens continue their valiant struggle to outpace inflation with PLEX rising a staggering 1.56% and 2.14% respectively. Meanwhile, Amarr and Dodixie remain the poster children for stability, barely mustering a 0.9% and 0.62% change—truly edge-of-your-seat volatility. Skill Injectors, ever the crowd-pleaser, flatlined across all hubs, because why inject excitement into the market when you can inject skills instead? The biggest action? Rens, where PLEX buyers apparently woke up and decided today was the day to overspend. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: 'Will Anyone Notice If We Stop Reporting This?'
Miners' Digest
Well, well, well, if it isn't another week of market chaos that makes mining seem like a sensible career choice. Let's dive into the carnage, shall we? Pyerite is taking a nosedive everywhere—Jita's down 15%, Amarr's plummeting 21% (ouch), and Hek's just casually losing 16%. Someone's clearly dumping stock, or maybe everyone suddenly realized pyerite is just space gravel. Meanwhile, Isogen in Hek is having a wild party with a 15.5% surge—either someone's building a secret superweapon, or the locals discovered it's good for seasoning food. Over in Amarr, Morphite's up 12%, because nothing says 'stable market' like a mineral that swings harder than a drunken pirate. And let's not ignore Megacyte in Hek, crashing 12.9% like it just remembered it's not actually rare. Jita's being... well, Jita, with Tritanium rising a whole 1.2%—try not to faint from excitement. Stay sharp, miners, because the only thing predictable here is unpredictability.