Good afternoon, citizens of New Eden! Welcome to the Midday Edition of Metropolis News, broadcasting live on this gloriously uneventful November 22nd, 2025. In a stunning testament to our collective sanity, exactly twenty-seven thousand seven hundred ninety-eight immortal capsuleers are currently logged in—each one blissfully convinced they’re the hero of this never-ending tragedy. And what a productive morning it’s been! A delightful three hundred forty-eight pods have been so thoughtfully reduced to stardust, because nothing says 'I value human life' like turning someone’s consciousness into confetti. The star of today’s destruction? The ever-hospitable system of 0-YMBJ, where pod pilots go to die—and then promptly respawn to do it all over again. What a time to be alive. Or… you know. Whatever this is.
Kill Stories
In the bustling system of Uedama, a Charon freighter carrying nearly five billion ISK of cargo was gloriously disassembled by a swarm of forty-three pilots. Catalysts and Caracals swarmed like angry bees, with the final blow delivered by a Catalyst pilot using—shockingly—a Light Neutron Blaster II. Because nothing says 'efficient piracy' like turning a capital-scale haul into cosmic confetti.
Meanwhile, back in Uedama, another Charon learned that twenty-eight Catalysts are indeed better than one. This four-billion-ISK piñata was scrapped into stardust, with the killing shot again coming from a Catalyst’s Light Neutron Blaster II. Because if at first you succeed, why not repeat the same absurdly overkill tactic in the same system?
Over in the wilds of Tribute, a Kronos marauder worth nearly three billion ISK discovered that four ships can indeed obliterate dreams. A Tholos, Sabre, Stabber Fleet Issue, and Daredevil teamed up to vaporize the vessel—with the Tholos sealing its fate using a humble 150mm Light AutoCannon II. Nothing says 'balanced fight' like a marauder getting nuked by what amounts to pocket change in firepower.
And finally, in Vlillirier of Placid region, a Legion strategic cruiser valued at over two-point-seven billion ISK was melted by fifteen eclectic attackers including Brutix Navy Issues, Zealots, and even a Curse. The final blow came from an Exequror Navy Issue—yes, the logi—using a 250mm Railgun II. Because who needs dedicated combat ships when your repair ship can just scrap things instead?
PvP Overview
Well, it’s another day in the chaotic skies of New Eden, and once again The Forge is proving why it’s the galaxy’s favorite place for a spontaneous ship demolition derby. With Hykkota leading the charge at 47 kills and Jita—shockingly—still making headlines with 24 explosions, it seems some pilots just can’t resist turning commerce hubs into combat zones. Meanwhile, over in VR-05, things are so peaceful you could hear a pin drop—or maybe just the sound of someone actually mining in peace. Keep flying reckless, capsuleers; your insurance providers thank you.
Mission Runner Madness
In a stunning display of dedication to the noble art of ISK farming, pilots across New Eden have once again proven that relentless NPC slaughter is the galaxy's most cherished pastime. Leading the charge today, JTAU-5 in Branch saw a staggering 2,228 virtual lives extinguished—presumably by someone who mistook their mission running for a high-stakes arcade game. Not far behind, HZFJ-M in Detorid contributed 1,851 more casualties to the pile, because why enjoy the scenery when you can turn it into a shooting gallery? It's almost heartwarming how these cultural rituals of ratting persist, offering a comforting reminder that in space, no one can hear you yawn over the endless explosions.
Market Watch
In today's thrilling edition of 'Who Actually Cares About PLEX Prices?', Jita and Rens continue their valiant struggle to outpace inflation with PLEX rising a staggering 1.56% and 2.14% respectively. Meanwhile, Amarr and Dodixie remain the poster children for stability, barely mustering a 0.9% and 0.62% change—truly edge-of-your-seat volatility. Skill Injectors, ever the crowd-pleaser, flatlined across all hubs, because why inject excitement into the market when you can inject skills instead? The biggest action? Rens, where PLEX buyers apparently woke up and decided today was the day to overspend. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: 'Will Anyone Notice If We Stop Reporting This?'
Miners' Digest
Well, well, well, if it isn't another week of market chaos that makes mining seem like a sensible career choice. Let's dive into the carnage, shall we? Pyerite is taking a nosedive everywhere—Jita's down 15%, Amarr's plummeting 21% (ouch), and Hek's just casually losing 16%. Someone's clearly dumping stock, or maybe everyone suddenly realized pyerite is just space gravel. Meanwhile, Isogen in Hek is having a wild party with a 15.5% surge—either someone's building a secret superweapon, or the locals discovered it's good for seasoning food. Over in Amarr, Morphite's up 12%, because nothing says 'stable market' like a mineral that swings harder than a drunken pirate. And let's not ignore Megacyte in Hek, crashing 12.9% like it just remembered it's not actually rare. Jita's being... well, Jita, with Tritanium rising a whole 1.2%—try not to faint from excitement. Stay sharp, miners, because the only thing predictable here is unpredictability.