Greetings, meatbags and malfunctioning drones! Welcome to Metropolis News Night Edition, broadcasting live on this fine August 13th, 2025—because apparently, we still haven’t run out of dates yet. Strap in, because tonight’s headlines are juicier than a rookie capsuleer’s tears after their first podding. Currently, a staggering *18,201* of you brave souls are logged in—though let’s be honest, half of you are probably AFK mining while watching cat videos. And speaking of things getting obliterated: today alone, *320* pods have been reduced to cosmic confetti. But where else would the party be popping off but Jita? Ah yes, the galaxy’s favorite shopping mall-slash-murderplex—where deals are made, scams thrive, and pod kills come faster than impulse buys on a credit card binge. Stay tuned for more updates from the void where common sense goes to die!
Kill Stories
In the bustling trade hub of Jita, a Golem worth an eye-watering 2.87 billion ISK met its untimely demise at the hands of just two ships—because who needs overwhelming force when you’ve got bureaucracy on your side? The Caldari Police Commissioner and their superior, the Caldari Navy Fleet Admiral, decided that paperwork wasn’t enough and scrapped the poor Marauder with all the efficiency of a tax audit. No weapon was specified for the final blow, but we can only assume it was signed in triplicate.
Over in Sivala, an Impel carrying a hefty cargo worth 2.65 billion ISK learned that eight attackers don’t care about logistics efficiency. A motley crew including Gnosis battlecruisers, Caracals, and Thrashers turned this transport ship into space debris—final honors delivered by a Caracal armed with Inferno Rage Heavy Assault Missiles. Nothing says ‘delivery failed’ quite like explosive disintegration.
Tama proved fatal for yet another ship as six eager pilots converged to dismantle a Maelstrom worth 1.23 billion ISK. An Exequror Navy Issue and Scythe Fleet Issue were among those who enthusiastically melted down this battleship—with the Exequror Navy Issue landing the coup de grâce using a Heavy Ion Blaster II because nothing says ‘healing touch’ like turning enemies into scrap metal.
And if one Tama kill wasn't enough drama for you today: eight more opportunists made sure a Vedmak never saw another paycheck by nuking it out of existence in spectacular fashion for nearly half-a-billion ISK lost forever between Omen Navy Issues Catalysts Svipuls Stabbers Malefictions—and once again our dear friend from earlier stepped up: yes folks! That same Exequror Navy Issue showed zero mercy blasting away with another round from its trusty Heavy Ion Blaster II proving once again that doctors really do have terrible bedside manners.
PvP Overview
Ah, another day in New Eden where the ships explode like fireworks at a particularly enthusiastic pirate convention. Jita, as always, leads the charge with 48 kills—because nothing says 'thriving economy' like a side of gratuitous violence. The Forge takes the crown as today's bloodiest region, proving once again that commerce and carnage go hand in hand. Meanwhile, VR-05 remains suspiciously serene—either they’ve perfected pacifism or everyone there is too busy enjoying their zero-kill utopia to undock. Special shoutout to T-M0FA in Delve for keeping up the tradition of making visitors regret their life choices.
Mission Runner Madness
In a stunning display of productivity—or perhaps sheer existential avoidance—the capsuleer workforce once again turned vast swaths of nullsec into NPC graveyards. Leading the charge was 3AE-CP in Insmother, where an impressive 2,547 virtual lives were extinguished, presumably by someone who mistook their turrets for a 'skip dialogue' button. Not to be outdone, G-Q5JU in Period Basis saw 2,037 rats meet their maker, proving that even in the depths of space, the grind never sleeps. Meanwhile, back in civilized space, Uotila’s 1,486 casualties suggest that even The Citadel isn’t safe from the ISK-farming hordes. One can only imagine the paperwork.
Market Watch
In today's thrilling edition of 'Who Actually Cares About PLEX Prices?', Jita and Rens continue their valiant struggle to outpace inflation with PLEX rising a staggering 1.56% and 2.14% respectively. Meanwhile, Amarr and Dodixie remain the poster children for stability, barely mustering a 0.9% and 0.62% change—truly edge-of-your-seat volatility. Skill Injectors, ever the crowd-pleaser, flatlined across all hubs, because why inject excitement into the market when you can inject skills instead? The biggest action? Rens, where PLEX buyers apparently woke up and decided today was the day to overspend. Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode: 'Will Anyone Notice If We Stop Reporting This?'
Miners' Digest
Well, well, well, if it isn't another week of market chaos that makes mining seem like a sensible career choice. Let's dive into the carnage, shall we? Pyerite is taking a nosedive everywhere—Jita's down 15%, Amarr's plummeting 21% (ouch), and Hek's just casually losing 16%. Someone's clearly dumping stock, or maybe everyone suddenly realized pyerite is just space gravel. Meanwhile, Isogen in Hek is having a wild party with a 15.5% surge—either someone's building a secret superweapon, or the locals discovered it's good for seasoning food. Over in Amarr, Morphite's up 12%, because nothing says 'stable market' like a mineral that swings harder than a drunken pirate. And let's not ignore Megacyte in Hek, crashing 12.9% like it just remembered it's not actually rare. Jita's being... well, Jita, with Tritanium rising a whole 1.2%—try not to faint from excitement. Stay sharp, miners, because the only thing predictable here is unpredictability.